@libbycwatson: i’m like a biiiird / i wanna shit on cars
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@Marlebean: Damn boy, are you leftover pizza in the fridge? Because I've been thinking about you all night...
@Mom_Overboard: They should make a sister store to "Forever 21" called "So Now You're 35" where you can buy sensible pants and soft sweaters & take naps.
@ibid78: Pouring water on someone's head to promote something is kinda weird. Now that I've gotten that out of the way, let's go baptize some babies.
@jordan_stratton: ENTRY LEVEL JOB OPENING: Hiring recent college grads REQUIREMENTS: 5 years of experience, 6 Olympic gold medals, and superpowers.