@LilFlaOrange30: I'm like a cartoon character, not because I'm cute or funny, but because I wear the same clothes every day.
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@Bandersnaaatch: A fun thing to do is sit on the couch with black buttons over your eyes while your kids watch Coraline, then wait for them to notice.
@JohnLyonTweets: Instead of a happy ending the masseuse gave me an indie movie ending. She stopped suddenly at a random point and left everything unresolved.
@DepecheALAmode: Guy at the gym had "True Gentleman" tattooed on his arm. I was about to make fun of him, but he held the door for me as I left. Great guy.