@BGH70: I'm like the mafia to my son.
He only contacts me when he wants money or protection.
@aveuaskew: The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
@iGreenMonk: The first guy to clap was really weird "I enjoyed this so I'm going to hit my hand with my other hand to show my appreciation"
@AnkCoupleTO: *first date*
Me: Tell me more about you
Her: *crazy eyes* WELL I HAVEN'T STABBED ANYONE LATELY
Me: *deletes Tinder* Let's get married!
ME: [slaps table] 50 on red
CROUPIER: Sir that is 50 pictures of Celine Dion
ME: Yes and if I win [grabs him] you owe me 50 more
@juliakite: X-tra spooky blend