@SteampunkMuppet: I’m literally crying
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@Ideal_Victoria: A second date is probably not likely if your date pulls out and clutches a crucifix when you enter the room.
@jake_likes_naps: [Ouija board] "Hey spirits, talk to us" W H A T S U R F R I E N D S N A M E H E S C U T E "fml"
@Reverend_Scott: "Hi, I'm calling for info on your bicycle on Craigslist." It's heavy, brown, has new shoes, and loves carrots. It's definitely not a horse.
@dance_blessed: Dear car commercials, You probably don't mean to scare me but "German engineering" is also why I don't have so many cousins today.