@motorace177: I'm looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math...
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@DaddyJew: Girl: do you have a condom? Me: c'mon what's the worst that could happen *hears a knock on the door 4: daddy I think I started a fire
@Taryn_: Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you're a dumb ass and you make poor decisions.
@KngHnryVIII: When children, who are hoping for your death so one of them can claim your throne, bring you brekkie in bed, don't eat it. #FathersDay