@deeeebag: I'm lost at Costco but everyone here looks like my dad. Just gonna pick the one with the best groceries and start a new life I guess.
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@david8hughes: [painting a picture of the last supper] "Who's that?" "Darth Vader." "Was he 1 of Jesus disciples?" "I dunno, I've only seen the 1st movie."
@drinksmcgee: [Park] Parent 1: That's my kid on the slide. Parent 2: That's mine on the swing. Me: The one spray painting "Slayer" on that baby is mine.
@ericsshadow: I get all my indisputable political facts from what my uncle Harold posts on Facebook. Like did u know Obama killed the last living unicorn?
@mattZillaaaa: Only take relationship advice from people who have really healthy relationships. So, no one