@tropicalenvy: I'm more hampster than gangster according to autocorrect
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Eightinchgoat: I have high blood pressure, but my dogs don't. So, from now on I'm only getting upset about squirrels and mailmen.
@Bez: When someone texts "whatcha doin" after midnight the appropriate response is "someone else" even if you're just eatin' pizza all alone.
@JermHimselfish: You think your day was bad? I just had a 15 minute long argument with a couch cushion.
@KeithAshers: Hi, I'm here to see the doctor. -me Witch doctor? -reception Nooo...I think he's Jewish. -me [blank stare] Please sit down.