@tropicalenvy: I'm more hampster than gangster according to autocorrect
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@JuliaChildCIA: "Hot damn!" - the Nazi's probably after their dams were destroyed. I don't know; I'm not a historian. It's just an educated guess.
@UnicornSyrup: Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
@abbycohenwl: Doc: The good news is this is a surprise birthday party! Patient: But my birthday's not till next month Doc:Which brings me to the bad news
@AcrimoniousClwn: Heard rumors that a coworker slept her way to a promotion. Damn, if the bosses only saw how much I sleep at my desk I'd own this place.