@jane_bot: I'm more likely to wear a donut on my wrist than any fitness tracker.
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@TitaniumToplass: I jump out of bushes to give surprise breast exams. I save lives. nnThe police are on the lookout for me. Probably to give me an award.
@joejwest: ROOMMATE: Big date later? ME: [combs hair] Yes R: Where? M: [fixes tie] The woods R: Is it with a bear again? M: [dabs honey behind ears] No