@CallMeDraper: I'm more of a leader than a follower, unless you're wearing yoga pants.
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@robwhisman: just saw the gorilla thing. what kind of thoughtless, negligent parent would raise their child in ohio
@stephenjmolloy: Me: "This new flavour of Pringles is horrible." Wife: "You're eating a tube of tennis balls."
@NicestHippo: [girl points at my scar] What happened? Oh that? Old sports injury. [flashback to me sprinting after an ice cream truck]
@pmclellan: So my drug dealer just died. I'm thinking about going to his funeral to, you know, network.