@jewfacekilla: I'm my own boyfriend when it comes to farts
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@daemonic3: "Hi" My name is "What?" My name is "Who?" My name is [chka chka] Slim Shady *scribbles on cup* "Ok Mr Shrimp Scabies, I'll start your latte"
@david8hughes: "Was he better than me?" "Joe, don't." "I have a right to know!" "No, he wasn't better than you." [god appears] "Mary, what the hell?"
@UNTRESOR: Health level: my credit card company called me about fraud because I bought a vegetable.
@JohnHilsen: Of course climate change is man-made. It's all been meticulously orchestrated by the Titanic survivors, seeking revenge on that iceberg.