@Chumpstring: I'm my own worst enemy, but there are literally hundreds of people tied for second place.
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@arielleBigBlue: If I could, I would avoid every conversation by making that beeping truck sound while slowly backing away from people as they approach me.
@HairyJew4Life: Me: What's one thing you don't like about your girlfriend? Him: She doesn't swallow. Me: What? How does she eat?
@heatherlou_: My house is clean so please don't eat or drink or come by or let my child come home.