@Marlebean: I'm nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.
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@mewritesgood: I set my kid's dollhouse on fire then asked: DO YOU HAVE INSURANCE?! DOES BARBIE HAVE AN ESCAPE PLAN?! WHY ARE YOU CRYING?! Life lessons
@NoticablyBacon: Instead of a condom i keep a moist towelette in my wallet because i run into buffalo wings alot more often than sex