@PaigeKellerman: I'm never a more ineffective parent than when I accidentally make threats that rhyme.
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@WilliamRodgers: "I don't get why our troops need to wear camouflage, when they could just wear glasses..." -Superman
@edfoxcomedy: "On your 1st day, find the biggest guy, and punch him in the face to show you're in charge." - my advice to new teachers
@BeCoco77: I hate when Spotify is down and I have to listen to Apple Music on my 128 GB Rose Gold iPhone 6s Plus like some kind of homeless person