@Tuna_Lover: I'm never at a loss for words when I'm drunk. I just can't pronounce most of them and I make up three or four new one's.
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@murrman5: My boss said when I'm at work, I should lay off the Doritos. I said "you're the boss if you wanna fire Bob Dorito and his brother you do it"
@murrman5: [at funeral] "my phone is vibrating" want me to create a distraction so you can answer it? "no, are you craz- *points at casket* HE BLINKED