@Tuna_Lover: I'm never at a loss for words when I'm drunk. I just can't pronounce most of them and I make up three or four new one's.
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@jtswhipped: Just watched Inception,Donnie Darko,Memento and The Matrix and now I don't think I am real anymore.
@Playing_Dad: If you give a man a PS4, he will play for a day. If that man buys the PS4 he will not shower for 2 months.
@caliluvgirl77: [introducing myself to new boyfriends parents] "Hi, I usually don't make it this far"
@ThisOneSayz: Auto correct changed "absence" to "absinthe" and now my kid's school won't let me be on the PTA.