@PabloGSerski: I'm never drinking & driving again because the last time, it was a disaster. I lost control and ended up driving to a Robin Thicke concert.
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@thepunningman: Wife: But the zoo told you never to come back Me: [loading hotdogs into shotgun] Those giraffes can't live on salad, Eleanor
@SwedishCanary: Based on the amount of laundry I did today I have to assume there are people living in this house I haven't met yet.
@WilliamAder: If you want sparkling, sophisticated conversation, catch me early in the month, before I've used up my ten free New York Times articles.