@PabloGSerski: I'm never drinking & driving again because the last time, it was a disaster. I lost control and ended up driving to a Robin Thicke concert.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@robotrowboat: [death row] Okay Johnson, it’s time. Any last requests? Pardon me? I said it’s time, any last—ah I see what you did there, Johnson. Good one
@JuliaEveHays: Hey, Morgan Freeman. Donating $1M to Obama's campaign isn't going to make him get older faster so you can play him in the movie.
@1Happytwit: You should never bribe someone to get what you want. You should blackmail them, it's cheaper and much more effective.