@818Newbie: I'm never marrying anyone else that I find on craigslist.
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@GrandadJFreeman: In 1911: Dracula used to drink virgin girls blood ... In 2012: he died of hunger.
@BadJordon: Dominos just called to let me know my pizza's on the way. They correctly assumed I'd need time to find my pants.
@TheTweetOfGod: 30 And to his followers he said, "Beliebers, weep not for me but yourselves and your children; for they'll never get to see me in concert."
@rainerfm: Little did I know the first time I bought a 3-pack of condoms that I was buying a lifetime supply.