@juliussharpe: I'm never more nervous than when I tell a doctor what I actually eat.
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@trojansauce: ME:*lying*omg i have an identical twin too DATE:wow we should all meet up [cut to us at a house of mirrors] DATE: your brother is quiet
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I forgot to bring my bags to the grocery store, people looked at me like I drove there on an aerosol can, then slit a baby seal's throat.
@ericsshadow: One time I fell off a 20ft ladder, then climbed right back up and jumped off a second time to show that ladder who's in charge.
@JeremyInKC: Of course your milkshake brings the boys to the yard. What boy doesn't love milkshakes? If your asparagus brought em, then I'd be impressed.