@juliussharpe: I'm never more nervous than when I tell a doctor what I actually eat.
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@daemonic3: Parents, talk to your kids about drugs. Teach them organic chemistry. Obtain a research grant. Put big pharma out of business together
@MatCro: [Job interview] "How would you describe yourself?" "I'd use the appropriate adjectives." "Anything else?" "Over-literal sometimes."
@BrdnHatesYou: A 12 year old posts a selfie, 37 RTs and 1013 likes. I post a selfie, I lose 18 followers and my family disowns me.
@Jay_FrickinLynn: *slams hands on table* HOW DID BUZZ KNOW TO FREEZE AROUND HUMANS IF HE DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS A TOY, CAROL?