@realHamOnWry: I'm no different than the average working guy. I have two arms, two legs and 4.2 billion dollars. ~ Donald Trump
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@squirrel74wkgn: My high must be wearing off, because that cop car that pulled me over 20 minutes ago is starting to look like a house with Christmas lights.
@looktothepickle: Got a cut on my arm, someone on Facebook sent me healing vibes and PRESTO! two weeks later the cut fully healed this is not a joke people
@Sarcasticsapien: Interviewer: Where were you born? Me: Missouri. I: What state are you in now? M: Apathy. I: That's not what I meant. M: I don't care.
@LukeErd: You love him. Your parents approve him. He buys you flowers and chocolate. He wrote you a poem that rhymes "wood" with "food."