@Shock_Monster: I'm no scientist, but harnessing the power of teen girls talking would probably solve all the world's energy woes.
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@trevso_electric: If you receive a text from Liam Neeson that says "LMAO," it stands for "let's murder Albanians overseas" and he wants his daughter back.
@skickwriter: Saying you like a lot of meat in your taco is received differently on Twitter than it is on Facebook. I know that now.
@delusions_of: My arm bone's connected to my hand bone. My hand bone's connected to a bacon cheeseburger.
@EtobicokeErnie: The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance of not going to work tomorrow. Tequila gives you a 1 in 3 chance.