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@aSapCoolDad: "I'm not a big horse person"
- a lying centaur
@RealCarrotFacts: Have a headache? Eating a carrot can help if you take a Advil after it
@LeBearGirdle: Wife: [watching the news] oh God, did you see Petsmart got robbed?!
Me: [loud barks coming from all 19 pockets of my parachute pants] nope
@_Ted_Bear: Why can't I get mobile reception in my house, yet a terrorist can upload his videos from a cave in Afghanistan?
@thatguyJA: My son ate all the marshmallows in the Lucky Charms and well guess who isn't paying for his college now.
@weinerdog4life: Maybe the raccoons threw away something very important. Did you ever think about that you big jerk.