@wickedimproper: I'm not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
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@Book_Krazy: Just because your kid says, "You're my hero" does not mean you can pick them up at school wearing a cape, apparently
@Lowenaffchen: I used to worry about offending people's moms on facebook but now they all post memes like "I chug vodka to keep from drowning my children"
@Karate_Horse: OPRAH: ok everyone reach under their seat! ME: [i pull out a picture of the man next to me] OPRAH:[brandishing a knife] now kill that person