@Girl_Censored: I'm not a jealous person but seriously, if you star her tweets one more time I'm going to squeeze the balls of this vodoo doll so hard...
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@SergioValenCo: Don't scream. I came to your house because you never responded to my DMs. Are you OK?
@scenesfromahat: As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
@KeetPotato: guy: [stands up at front of plane] me: "please don't be overbooked" guy: [pulls gun] "this plane is now under my control" me: "oh thank god"
@hdaniels_00: When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning", I sleep til noon because I am a problem solver