@Girl_Censored: I'm not a jealous person but seriously, if you star her tweets one more time I'm going to squeeze the balls of this vodoo doll so hard...
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@SirEviscerate: Heads, you give me your phone number, tails you go on a date with me. *flips coin into ceiling fan, it's knocked out a window into the sea*
@PAT_E_ROCK: Dr: You have walking pneumonia. Me: That's impossible. Dr: Wha.. Me: I've never walked a day in my life.
@HockeyTornado: Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.