@Girl_Censored: I'm not a jealous person but seriously, if you star her tweets one more time I'm going to squeeze the balls of this vodoo doll so hard...
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@ImSoFrancis: Drug Dealer: are you wearing a wire? Me: the only wire I'm wearing is why're you still single? Cops Outside In Van: *collective groan*
@SomthinBoutSara: Just dropped ranch dressing on my phone then licked it off. So some of you just got to first base with me.
@mattsurely: When I see JUST MARRIED I like to think it means 'only married' like there are higher types of commitment but they just settled for marriage