@Girl_Censored: I'm not a jealous person but seriously, if you star her tweets one more time I'm going to squeeze the balls of this vodoo doll so hard...
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@MatCro: SON: How are monster trucks made? ME: Son, when a monster and a truck love each oth- GF: [glares] ME: He's old enough for the facts, Jane
@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "What did you like best about your last job?" Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."
@just1fool: Hey, little bird! Maybe you wouldn't have to move your head around so much looking for threats if you didn't make so much god damn noise!