@IvoryGazelle: [work phone rings]
Customer: I realize ur closing but I just have a quick question
"Good, because it's 4:59 and I-"
Now, it all started back in '82 when I had my knee replacement surgery
@angibangie: I took my kids to the playground and now they want me to push them on the swings. Jesus Christ, haven't I done enough?
@Sassafrantz: Gynecologist: ok, I just need you to open up...
Me, interrupting: As a middle child, I never felt good enough.
Gynecologist: Um, your legs
@aksorojas: I'm reading an article entitled "Top 20 Must Visit Places Before You Die" and I'm disappointed cos there is no mention of the word hospital.
@myonlymizztake: Me: I'm ghosting him.
Her: You stopped talking to him?
Me: No, I'm showing up when he least expects it and scaring the shit out of him.
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