@INDlAN_: I’m not a professional photographer, I’m just a club photographer. I take pictures at the club & people pay me to delete them.
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@mommajessiec: If your child walks out of the bathroom with a cup of water, always ask where the water came from. I know this now.
@GlumGeorgeLucas: "The Force Awakens" had 0 people riding giant CGI lizards. How is that even science fiction? They might as well rename it "Downton Abbey."
@KenJennings: *Jesus comes into the house* Judas: Jesus, close the door! Were you born in a barn? *room gets super quiet* Judas: Uh right. I forgot. Sorry
@Vodkantots: When someone asks if you lost weight, the correct response is always, "no, it just seems like it to you because you got fatter."