@ktmcburr: I'm not a racist. Racism is a crime and crime is for black people.
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@NYC_Blonde: I wish I was a baby so I could pass out in public with a bottle and no one would look twice.
@ianabramson: I'm the kind of guy who peeks under bathroom stalls and asks where you go for taxes.
@jakob_huber: *meets girl for coffee* *sets down blueprints for bank* "What's this?" Your dating profile said you were looking for a partner in crime