@usermcuserface: I'm not a violent person, but I'd happily throat punch the person that decided baby clothes needed a minimum of 20 buttons.
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@MattMcElaney: 10 years ago parents were like "be careful what you put on the web" and we were all "lol. old people." now none of us can ever be President.
@angibangie: 4yo: let me smell your eyelashes! Me:...ok 4yo:smells like spiders. What if they eat your face? Me: this is how nightmares are born.
@Death_Buddy: "Good morning please could I have one human ticket to the water park" Sir are you a shark in disguise? *sharks fake eyebrows slide off*