@OhYeahILied: "I'm not a violent person but people can change", I whisper as someone takes a bite of my food.
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@FunkyFresh_79: Greatest days of my life: 3) Day I got married 2) Day my first kid was born 1) Day Facebook let you turn off notifications for their games
@jazmasta: Everyone said it was a bad idea to store glue in the same cabinet as my rifles but I'm sticking to my guns.
@MondayPajamas: Watching my dad try to scroll through pictures on my phone is like watching someone trying to pet a bubble.
@breadzeppellin: Damn girl are you Schrodinger's cat cos you're in a box and all these nerds are talking about you? Sir have some respect this is a funeral.