@OhYeahILied: "I'm not a violent person but people can change", I whisper as someone takes a bite of my food.
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@TheQuietPsycho: *getting married Priest: will you love & honor her? Me: I will Her: [whispers to priest] Priest: and leave your phone unlocked? Me: I'm out
@Sarcasticsapien: I hate when people say "Look at me when I'm talking to you." I mean, c'mon, one inconvenience at a time.
@SamuelHLowe: -Why didn't you answer your home phone? -Because I'm walking the dog. Don't you trust me? -Of course I trust you! Put the dog on the phone.