@Ilovelamp1979: I'm not a violent person. I just really enjoy assisting people in falling down.
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@HousewifeOfHell: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: You pulled me over? Cop: Me: I just stopped here cuz I thought of a tweet.
@histwaddle: People need to stop judging a person by their appearance. Just because i have food stains on my shirt that doesn't mean i have kids.
@DamienFahey: "This is NPR." Yeah, we know. You just spent the past 4 minutes whispering the news over a jazz saxophone solo.