@weinerdog4life: I'm not allowed to use the credit card anymore, last month I bought 43 falcons
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@shariv67: When a cashier asks me if I found everything I was looking for, I take their hand, look deeply into their eyes and say, "I have now."
@SlabBaconBP: I don't hate my job. I just really enjoy curling up in a ball and sobbing under a blanket in the backseat of my car during lunch.
@AristotlesNZ: Boss: You're late! You shoulda been here two hours ago! Me: Why? What happened two hours ago?