@myles_morrison: I'm not an alcoholic. I'm soberphobic.
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@dreamsinchocola: When I undress there is a radiant shower that falls. Not of money or glitter, but of dog hair.
@LuvPug: I yelled "STOP EATING CAT TURDS OR IT WILL HURT WHEN YOU POOP!" & my dog stopped eating, so if you need a motivational speaker contact me
@houffy: I don't think the church is going to let me pick music for the bible group again. In my defense, the band name "Lamb of God" is misleading.