@_sanshandle: I'm not an animal expert but feeding your pet chimp Chinese food doesn't seem right. Then again, neither does owning a pet chimp.
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@xLiserx: Me: *Reenacts the steamy handprint scene from Titanic as I gaze at an eclair inside a glass case* Clerk: You're making people uncomfortable.
@Stellacopter: [at heaven's gate] God: Tell me why I should let u in Me: I've never made anyone look at my baby's ultrasound pic God: You can have my bed
@realHamOnWry: The harder you slam the door walking out on an argument ...the more likely you have to go back inside for your car keys.