@_sanshandle: I'm not an animal expert but feeding your pet chimp Chinese food doesn't seem right. Then again, neither does owning a pet chimp.
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@taps0420: I love how all my apps shake when I go to delete one.. There all like awww shit, who's it gonna be this time
@thenatewolf: HER: it's so romantic when the power goes out ME: listen if we don't eat all this ground beef we'll have to throw it out
@J_Mainwaring69: *Judge raises hammer* "I SENTENCE YOU TO LIFE" -*defendant chuckles* "I'm already alive you MORON!"
@IamEveryDayPpl: In order to get my nephews up and ready for church in a timely manor, I told them we were going to Disneyland... They'll be SO surprised!