@_sanshandle: I'm not an animal expert but feeding your pet chimp Chinese food doesn't seem right. Then again, neither does owning a pet chimp.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@koalaslament: [on a date] *showing her pics of my pet lizards* ME: "and I named this one Queen Elizardbeth" HER: "I must have sex with you immediately"
@kcmoore51: Me: What are your plans for tonight? 13: Think I'll hang out with you and mom. Me: Goddammit...uh I mean that's great.
@BGH70: The Golden Globe goes to… Burrito … for best actor in a microwave, with a convincing performance of taking longer than necessary.