@_NTFG_: I'm not ashamed to say that when I saw everyone was getting these new "selfie sticks" for Xmas I thought it was some new fantastic deodorant
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@MrSandeepP: My ex is going to make some guy very happy one day but completely miserable the rest of the time.
@Ty_Schutz: Mailboxes were invented so you know how far away you can be in a robe before you look like a mental patient.
@topaz_kell: The field sobriety test was going ok until I grabbed two traffic cones and did a Madonna impersonation.