@vulcan_kelly: I'm not being creepy but i can see thru my binoculars that your family portrait is hanging crooked on your wall
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Garblemarble: Alien: we are here to enslave you Me: *not looking up from phone* huh? Alien: I SAID.. Me: *still not looking up* yeah I said I'll do it
@WilliamAder: Good Cop: If you confess now, you'll probably just get probation. Fad Cop: Hey Macarena!
@954LeenO: if it smells like bullshit & looks like bullshit, it probably is bullshit. Putting sugar on it doesn't make it a brownie.
@squirrel74wkgn: [sitting in van] Robber 1: Ready? Robber 2: Let's do this! Me: How do I...*trying to open egg container of pantyhose*...open this?