@jazmasta: I'm not crying. I'm just watering my moustache.
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@LurkAtHomeMom: Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you're interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn't our lawn ever look that nice?"
@Rlpihl: Girl are you the burning bush? Cuz you're hot. And there's no conceivable reason you should be talking to me.
@TheWoodenslurpy: [commercial for gymnastics] Want to delay menarche and stunt your lumbar growth, but also risk getting crotch punched by a four-inch beam?
@CantWaitToNap: An erotic footjob under a restaurant table can go bad real fast when your feet miss their mark…just ask my father-in-law.