@pakalupapito: i’m not “cute” awkward. i’m “what the hell is wrong with you” awkward.
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@Bob_Heller: Sorry I borrowed your pen and performed that emergency tracheotomy that turned out not to be an emergency. And sorry about your neck hole.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Nephew just whispered something into a Cadbury Easter Bunny's ears then broke off its head. I'm sleeping with the lights on.
@a_man_named_JED: School says strangers are handing out lick on LSD tattoos. I told my kids not to worry, no one is giving out good shit like that for free