@pakalupapito: i’m not “cute” awkward. i’m “what the hell is wrong with you” awkward.
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@AmishPornStar1: I'm not saying she's worse than my mom... But my wife doesn't seem to like any of my girlfriends.
@primawesome: The power steering went out in my car. Rather than fix it I've decided to get stronger.
@KyleMcDowell86: *pulls fire alarm in apt building* *everyone runs outside* [Me on megaphone]IVE GATHERED U HERE B/C SOME OF U STILL HAVE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS UP