@sixfootcandy: [camping] Him: Did you eat the last s'more? Me: No. Him: You're lying. Me: How do you know? Him: Your pants are literally on fire.

@torrami: Never let them see how much they hurt you. Or the gun. Definitely don't let them see the gun.

@NYC_Blonde: I want what any normal girl wants in life... A great job, a loving husband and to be the wallpaper on thousands of iPhones.

@dlicj: flight attendant: as u can see the captain has turned on the no murdering sign [guy next to me is still murdering someone] me: um excuse me

@kendragaylord: Me: Compassion is my compass. Him: We've been lost for 3 days and you gave your coat to a bear that looked cold.