@sixfootcandy: [camping]
Him: Did you eat the last s'more?
Me: No.
Him: You're lying.
Me: How do you know?
Him: Your pants are literally on fire.
@torrami: Never let them see how much they hurt you. Or the gun. Definitely don't let them see the gun.
@NYC_Blonde: I want what any normal girl wants in life... A great job, a loving husband and to be the wallpaper on thousands of iPhones.
@dlicj: flight attendant: as u can see the captain has turned on the no murdering sign
[guy next to me is still murdering someone]
me: um excuse me
@kendragaylord: Me: Compassion is my compass.
Him: We've been lost for 3 days and you gave your coat to a bear that looked cold.
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