@beefman138: "I'm not even going to dignify that with a response", she responded.
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@JoParkerBear: Sometimes, I worship the devil, but only to disappoint my parents. I'm not really invested.
@YourAnMoron: I accidentally just laughed at something my 4-year-old did so now I have to pretend to laugh as she does it forty thousand more times.
@Fred_Delicious: [gets found guilty of murder] [sentenced to 3 years of listening to Pitbull on repeat] [appeals] [gets sentence reduced to lethal injection]
@kcmoore51: Me: What are your plans for tonight? 13: Think I'll hang out with you and mom. Me: Goddammit...uh I mean that's great.