@beefman138: "I'm not even going to dignify that with a response", she responded.
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@tatsabrat: My creepy neighbour asked me if I think he's creepy. The fact that he asked through my bathroom window after my shower just made it awkward
@SMLXist: What in all holy hell is going on with this box of toilet paper I just got from Amazon
@MattMcElaney: 10 years ago parents were like "be careful what you put on the web" and we were all "lol. old people." now none of us can ever be President.
@electrolemon: everyone i ever dated is impressed when i namedrop foreign authors but never bothers to check if they're just ikea product names (they are)