@laurajennyjo: I'm not going to intervene next time my kids start fighting, I'm just going to close the door and whoever comes out alive will be my kid
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@Nikkeya08: Me: If you take them out of their natural habitat they seek revenge by burning your tounge Sis: M: S: That's a pizza roll. You're high
@Deirdreocx: If you're ovulating and have sex standing up... Is it called a standing ovulation? Asking for a friend
@slimmy_shady: Wife smelled eggs and thought I was bringing her breakfast in bed. How do I tell her it was just me with gas?!
@tedalexandro: We get it. If your candidate doesn't win in November, you're moving to the whitest English speaking country you can drive to.