@Loli_Sug: They should make engagement ring boxes that whisper "Dont do it" when you open them.
@Maxine12333: Woke at 2 AM to a strange male voice telling me to accept god. Storm knocked out power at 7 and I forgot to turn off TV - thought I'd died.
@leyawn: im a cat and i FREaking love turning potential energy into kinetic *pushes glass off table* your going to feed and keep me for some reason
@ericsshadow: THERAPIST: what's the problem?
WIFE: he replaces words with animal names just to annoy me
ME: I don't do it on porpoise
@caroline_umc: Ever been so completely out of toilet paper that you send your kid next door to get some?
Me neither, I just like to embarrass my kid.
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