@gagging: I'm not going to sugar coat this - you have diabetes
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@AlexvanBeek: The time for being a smartass isn't when someone is in a murderous rage. There's a discreet unmarked grave out there that'll attest to that.
@SteelFontana: I'm going as "Twitter Elite" for Halloween. I'm going to randomly say unfunny things and not talk to anyone who speaks to me.
@chrissyteigen: I always have a note in my pocket that says "john did it" just in case I'm murdered because I don't want him to remarry #truelove #tips
@Rollmaninoz: Buzz: hey Neil where do cows come from? Neil: I dunno where Buzz: the moooon haha .. .. *single gunshot* Neil: uh Houston we have a problem