@mattZillaaaa: I'm not gonna be able to come out tonight I already sat down
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@envydatropic: You know the jack in a box that scared the life out of you when you were a child? That's me as an adult cooking with my smoke detector
@dmc1138: While everyone is busy complaining about their tweets being stolen & put on Facebook, I've quietly become the funniest person on MySpace!
@Dawn_M_: I thought this waitress was in love with me but then right in front of my eyes she started to bring other people food.
@LukeMones: Just saw an old lady give up her seat to another old lady on the subway...polite or the ultimate shade?