@GaryJanetti: "I'm not good at goodbyes." I am. See ya.
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@StrugglesBGbb: It's like my golf instructor thinks I'm mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
@Brianhopecomedy: MISSING: 5 year old LAST SEEN: Moments after I said, "Bath time." DESCRIPTION: Naked, sporting 20-23 Spider-Man band-aids
@SamGirlSunday: I don't know about you, but I could really go for a punch in your face right now.
@Momtoteens: Daughter comes home with shirt inside out. Me: Why is your shirt on wrong? Daughter: I think you old people call it: "second base"