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@GaryJanetti: "I'm not good at goodbyes." I am. See ya.
@Elizasoul80: If I were Hillary, I'd ask Michelle Obama to stay on as first lady.
@slimmy_shady: "Get a load of this guy!"- Receptionist at a sperm bank.
@lazerdoov: I bought "extra whitening" toothpaste and now my teeth are spending a year in Korea teaching English
@Sarcasticsapien: I hate when someone texts me cause then I can't post anything on the internet or they'll know I'm ignoring them.
@timdonakowski: I like to mute CNN and imagine they're arguing about what appetizer, or appetizers, to order at TGIFridays.