@TrolleyCat: I'm not helping to save the environment until bears let me ride them around like cars. It's a group effort, bears.
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@MomOfTeen: For Mother's Day, I told my teens, I'm going to reenact every detail of each of your births.
@ericsshadow: [my son threatens to run away after I take away his iPad] "Here $60. It's all I have. Call if you need more."