@NikiWithIssues: I'm not hungover. I just like to wear my sunglasses when I open the fridge door. It makes me look cool.
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@SamGrittner: *job interview* "Where do you see yourself in five years?" "Mirrors, puddles of water. Basically anything with a reflective surface."
@IamEnidColeslaw: If a tree falls in the woods can I stand under it so I don't have to go to work tomorrow?
@spacej_me: Sorry you handed me your baby and I immediately put it in the garbage I thought that's what we were doing.
@SaddleLawman: Blood's thicker than water, so remember to pull back on the flour a bit when you substitute it into your baking.