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@PurelyYours1: I'm not insulting you..
I'm describing you..
@jtswhipped: I wonder what people with house phones posted on MySpace today?
@CatsForDinnerz: What idiot named them twins instead of wombmates?
@nerdfaced: Nice guys don't finish last, fat guys do.
@TheMichaelRock: Me: How much for the selfie stick?
Him: Sir, that's an Olsen twin.
Me: I'll take it.
@atanya1111: "Sorry, her father is a pterodactyl" - me with the screeching baby in the grocery store.