@heidi420x: I'm not interested in your cat unless it's on its 8th life and about to do something incredibly stupid.
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@EndhooS: [Job interview] Me: [thinking] I hope he doesn't notice the mustard on my shirt Interviewer: [thinking] Is he eating a fkn hotdog?
@Cheeseboy22: When I was a kid, there were actually six oceans: The Pacific, Atlantic, Indian, Antarctic, Arctic and Billy.
@TheTweetOfGod: I am not fake. I am not a parody. I am the Lord thy God, King of the Universe, you cosmic dipshits.
@TheAlexNevil: *job interview HR: Can you name one of your strengths? Me: Sure. I'll call it Giselle.