@heidi420x: I'm not interested in your cat unless it's on its 8th life and about to do something incredibly stupid.
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@bourgeoisalien: Probably the hardest part about being God is deciding between two equally terrible youth soccer teams that have just prayed to win.
@AdamTheLobster: Congratulations to our winner, Todd, who correctly guessed there were "hella jellybeans" in the jar.
@Deurb1: The lady in front of me wearing yoga pants keeps bending over to pick up quarters, hope she will for dimes too, as I'm out of quarters.
@Bob_Heller: "May I have my surgery badge, Scout Master?" "Um, there's no such thing." "There was no such thing as a duck squirrel til now. Badge me!"