@jimmy_sharpe: I'm not lazy. I'm just stopping the sofa from floating away.
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@lurie_john: January 27th is Mozart's birthday. Mozart died at 34 years old. Had he lived he would be 259 years old on Tuesday
@NewDadNotes: Board Member: Sir are you sure you wanna name your new burger restaurant after the time you caught your ex-wife cheating on you? Five Guys CEO: you heard me
@KenJennings: The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.