@jimmy_sharpe: I'm not lazy. I'm just stopping the sofa from floating away.
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@House_Feminist: A lonely rooster sees neon sign flashing HOT CHICKEN STRIPS, walks into Popeyes and cringes in horror as he drops his dollar bills
@MattMcGruff: Officer- I'm giving you a ticket for your speed Me- That's heroin Officer-... Me- Want some? Officer-... Me- Oooh, shiny handcuffs
@wheresthesnacks: After all of the screaming I've done, you'd think that this roach would give it up and WANT to die.