@Donna_McCoy: I'm not leaving a will. My final act will be giving my family one more thing to fight about.
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@PJTLynch: *wife sees me crying* Her: What's going on? Me: The kids gave me this *holds up Dad Is #1 mug* W: That's sweet H: Sweet? They think I'm pee!
@thatUPSdude: You ask me if I'm drunk? Well just spent 10 minutes looking for my phone using the flash light app on my phone.
@AimeeHelene1: *wears reindeer antlers* *innocently smiles* *bats eyelashes* *steals your wallet*
@Schmoodles: Arguing with religious people is like trying to explain quantum mechanics to a potato.