@Donna_McCoy: I'm not leaving a will. My final act will be giving my family one more thing to fight about.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Sassafrantz: [public restroom] Me: We'll have to go some place else, it says "unavailable" Mom: Even the toilet found someone before you
@PussycatPlace: A blonde walks into a doctor’s office and says, Doc, I’m horribly sick! The doctor looks at her and asks, flu? No, I drove here.
@AlexvanBeek: You should feel pretty honoured if I subtweet you. But the tweet you think is about you, probably isn't. Twitter's hard. Get a helmet.