@ednition: I'm not letting anyone into my head until I've cleaned up the place.
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@XplodingUnicorn: [breaking up yet another fight] Me: Why do you always fight with your sisters? 6-year-old: Because I always win.
@animaldrumss: me: How many calls do I get? cop: one me: What do you think is more likely? a lawyer delivering pizza or a dominos providing legal counsel?
@robdelaney: How did SkyMall go bankrupt? I bought all my wife's birthday presents there before she left me.
@juliussharpe: People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.