@Stalker_Clown: I'm not looking for a TC, I'm looking for someone with a woodchipper who doesn't ask questions.
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@david8hughes: Me: kids, your mother & I are in a gang now. There's room for 2 more members Son: but there's 3 of us Me [petting both our dogs]: 3 what?
@MollySneed: Never tell someone that it would work out if "only they lived closer". Crazy can change zip codes faster than you can change your identity.
@BubblesnBooze: It's funny how your tweets are funnier now that I know you're hot. -everyone on Twitter
@NicestHippo: "You're sure you understand stock trading?" ME: Yep "Then why (holds up card) did you trade our Google shares for a Charizard?"