@Rlpihl: I'm not Madagascar, I'm just disappointedgascar
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@bourgeoisalien: Sometimes I buy enormous pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.
@NoogsCorner: Hundreds of years ago, a group of fat women secretly met under the cover of darkness. That night, they invented the word "voluptuous."
@BrianIncognito: I turned to her and said "We're all just seeking validation, aren't we?" She just ignored me, stamped my parking ticket, and handed it back.
@Eightinchgoat: When I get a call from an unknown number I answer by whispering: "It's done, but there's blood everywhere!"